Posted by SoldierOfTheLight on Saturday, October 25 6:07 am

Forgive me for I know this is somewhat off topic, but somehow reading I just felt like I had to share this.

I know exactly what you are going through marbles for I am 17 and I had the same problem. If you don't mind I'd like to tell you about my battle and how the Lord Jesus Christ has freed me. (It may serve as edification for you. ****SORRY FOR LENGTH.. PLEASE READ**** )

Some History: I am a 2 yr old spiritual baby. My battle with pornography and other acts that accompany porn come since before I converted. I remember getting that high speed cable modem immediately after moving to PA 3 years ago when much of the problem started.

(THE BATTLE): Ever since my rebirth I battled with porn. Everyday I'd be hitting the sites. At times I would just see so much filth that I was physically and emotionally aching.. I battled for 2 years. There would be high points where I'd abstain about a week, but returned to the garbage.

One thing, I ALWAYS made sure to ask God for forgiveness that same night and I always attended church whenever possible despite feeling shameful and worthless, I NEVER attempted to deny my sin to God I always admitted I was wrong. I would complain to God, though, asking Him the reason for such strong desires at an age when I didn't want/need them. But obviously marriages long ago were done at a much younger age so that explains it all.

(THE BATTLE CONTINUED): At points I felt like a total piece of crap and I used to tell God in prayer, I used to tell Him how insignificant and how truly unworthy I was of His grace and mercy. I felt like I was taking God for granted. I had tons of guilt especially since I'd be looking at filth minutes before going to church.

The bad thing about porn is that it makes you feel so ashamed about it that you can't tell a church leader about it. I used to create "hypothetical" situations talking in third person about a "friend" in order to attempt to get answers to my problem from my pastor/co pastor.

(THE BATTLE CONTINUED 2): One day in church we came across these verses. "Hebrews 10:(26-31)" Upon reading I thought.. It was over for me, I thought I had fallen from grace, but I soon returned to the filth. I couldn't imagine why such a Holy and Righteous God would put up with me anymore. I kept going to church, though, so no one would notice anything wrong.

I finally summoned the courage and confessed it all to my co-pastor. Told him my whole life and all. His words of encouragement and Bible verses helped some, but not enough.

(THE BATTLE WON): The battle was always won. Since Jesus died on the cross for you and me, but sometimes that old man wants to convince you or me that he is still alive, which he is not, for he was crucified along side Christ and the new you and me is the one who "abides in the secret place of the Almighty" and who "dwells under the shadow of the Omnipotent"

This Wednesday though I went to church having seen partially downloaded filth. At the end of the service everyone got in a prayer circle. While praying the Holy Spirit fell upon my pastor and he started fervently praying in tongues, then he said under the HOLY SPIRIT,

"Someone here has a problem, one that has been bothering this person for a long time. You have failed Him today, but he says 'Do Not fear for I AM WITH YOU!' Whoever you are get in the center of the circle that we may all lay hands on you and pray for you, This is not about us picking you out this is about being obedient to the Holy Spirit."

I KNEW instantly it was directed to me. I waited like 5 seconds just to clear up any doubts and finally stepped in the middle. Hands were laid on me and they prayed for me and well... Like my Co-Pastor said to me at the end of praying... "You're free bro......... you're free."

God Bless You always, Keep your faith in God no matter how ugly the battle seems. God loves you and if you humble yourself and allow Him to He can do mighty things in your life.

(SOTL) Soldier Of The Light "Romans 13:12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light."

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