|Abortion: Interviews with people who have dealt with abortion:Sara's Story|
Posted on Tuesday, September 17 @
Sara first contacted me after she read a few of the previous interviews posted here. We discussed how to present her story, and she felt that just writing it out to be posted instead of doing it "interview" style would be easier for her, as she could take her time and relate a little more about what happened. In my conversations with her she comes across as sweet, sensitive, and absolutely convicted that her story needs to be told so that others may listen and learn from her, or at least find some healing in being able to relate to what she's been through.
I was brought up in an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church by great Christian parents- they took their children to church every time the doors were open. I accepted Christ as my personal Savior at the young age of eight and I am now in my forties.
I remember very little fanfare about abortion in the area that I lived or at the church where I attended. In fact, I remember my church bringing up other causes such as prayer in school, or banning/burning certain books. Other things they preached against were going to the movies, watching television, women/girls wearing pants or wearing their dresses too short, men/boys wearing their hair too long, or growing beards.
But in all honesty, to my knowledge, abortion passed thru in 1973 with less than a whisper. It was not at all like the stands taken today by Christians. The only person that ever mentioned "abortion" to me was my sister-in-law. At a very young age, she had to have chemo and radiation therapy which made unable to have children. She mentioned to me once how very difficult it was now to adopt a child because more women were choosing abortion instead of giving their children up for adoption. She didn't feel abortion was wrong because until a person could breath on their own, they were not alive.
A lot of changes took place in my family, changes that rocked my world so to speak. By the time I had graduated high school, I began changing because of certain events that had taken place in my family. I found new friends, and began to drink. The more I drank, the more I could forget. I adopted a new lifestyle- a new lifestyle that included sexual promiscuity.
I had moved out of my parent's home to share an apartment with a girlfriend from school. . I dated several different boys at the same time.
This is the hard part. During one of the many times we had several people over at our home (having a party, drinking heavily) I was raped. Because I was so drunk, I was unable to fight back with much force. One month later I realized I was pregnant, but the kicker was…I really had no idea who the father was. It could have been the guy that raped me but I was also seeing two other guys, so it very well could have been one of theirs as well. The friend I was sharing this house with and a long time friend I'd known since I was 6 were the only people that knew everything, including the rape.
That's when I decided to have the abortion. I didn't want to bring any more shame to my own family, on top of having to explain to either of the young men I was seeing that the baby may or may not be his. This all happened in 1977, when I was 18 years old.
The friend that I'd known since kindergarten took me to a clinic in a larger city to have the abortion. It is possible that things have changed now in these types of clinics, but I pretty much just felt like just another number. I seriously doubt that any of the nurses or doctors there remember any of the girls or women from even that one day. It was all business, as if I were signing papers to make payments on a new kitchen appliance. We were pushed along to each checkpoint as if we were an assembly line.
I felt degraded and humiliated. When it was finally my turn, I guess I'd thought I wouldn't have to be awake for it, that I'd be put to sleep. I wasn't. I was totally awake and aware of all that was going on, and it was not painless during all the checking and prodding. In fact, I felt enormous pain.
Afterwards, I was wheeled into a huge room where the women before me were taken and put in a line so the nurses would know which woman could be sent on her way back home. Throughout all of this not one of us women spoke to one another. None of us were smiling, and not one of us was happy. We were all of different races and age, from young to older ladies.
I was so relieved when I was finally able to leave that place! When I saw the friend that had taken me there, I just fell into her arms and cried. I told her right then and there that I would never, ever do that again.
You would think after all this, I would have straightened up my life. That took a little longer. Eventually, I married at the age of 19, and became pregnant at the age of 21. My husband didn't want children and finally told me to either have an abortion or our marriage was over. He knew about the abortion, he also knew how I felt about it, and that I would never even consider having another one.
Needless to say, I kept my child, and in all honesty, the labor pains and delivery of my son were nothing compared to the pains of that abortion. My parents found out about the abortion when I left my husband during that pregnancy, although nobody but the two friends I mentioned earlier ever knew anything about the rape. They cried.
Because of my beliefs about divorce I found it hard to admit that we couldn't stay together. I went back, but around the time my son was in first grade I realized the effects his father's use of alcohol and drugs was having on him. He was having affairs, and I realized that it was no longer feasible or healthy for any involved if we stayed together.
Before the birth of my son, I had gone back to God and asked for His forgiveness. That is when my healing began. Our God is an Awesome God! It's taken a long time for me to forgive myself though, and even though I'm forgiven, I can never forget. Until the day I die, I will remember and mourn for my child that never had the chance to be.
Note from Chrys: Sara remarried, and although she found she couldn't become pregnant again, her husband brought his two beautiful children into the marriage. Sara had this to say about them: "God gave me two more children to love and raise. This is a blessing that very few will ever know or understand, because I do love these children as my very own. They are adults now, but every time I look at them I see them through the eyes of a mother. It's unconditional love!
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